Broken Locks
by NormanReedusProblem
Summary: Set at the start of the tv series. Rick was confused about his feelings towards his wife. Daryl was just having a hard time altogether. Then they meet and everything changes for them. This is a Rickyl slash story. Please Enjoy. Fave, Follow & Review. :) I Promise This Story Isn't Over. I Just Haven't Had Time To Update Recently.
1. Alone

"Why'd you save me back there?" Rick asked his rescuer as they climbed up a fire escape ladder.

"I guess just naïve hope that if it were me, somebody would do the same." Answered Glenn.

Rick Grimes was grateful to Glenn for saving him from the hoard of walkers in the street. Part of him found it too easy to put a gun to his head and end it all. The part of him that believed the world was over and there was no point trying to escape the tank because he would never find his son and wife alive.

He couldn't believe this scrawny little Korean boy had saved him from all those walkers, and from himself. He could barely believe Glenn was still alive at all. This world was harsh and Rick was sure they'd both be dead soon.

"I'm with a group inside. They're not gonna be happy with you." Glenn warned.

When Glenn led Rick to the rest of his group, a blonde loose cannon named Andrea put a gun to his face. "We're all going to die because of you."

Rick thought, _you're all going to die, but not because of me._

"Back off Andrea. Just chill out." A man named Morales talked Andrea off of Rick.

Rick told them about the helicopter he saw in the sky and a man named T-dog mocked him. "There's no god damn helicopter. The world's gone to shit. You're just seeing things."

When they said there were others, Rick asked if it was the refugee center and this time a woman named Jaqui mocked him. "yeah right! What is wrong with you?"

Rick wondered what he had gotten into, involving himself with these people and thought maybe he should thank Glenn and go out on his own.

Just then, the group heard multiple gunshots coming from the roof.

"Was that Dixon?" Andrea asked in a panic to no one in particular.

Rick thought, _oh God. They get worse?!_

They all ran up to the roof where a redneck in a vest was shooting walkers down on the street with a hunting rifle and laughing manically like he was enjoying himself.

T-Dog yelled at the redneck named Merle Dixon, "Man, you're wasting bullets! and stop making so much noise! That gun isn't doin' shit! We're surrounded by walkers and you're just attracting more!"

The two men started to fight, Merle insulting T-Dog and making racist comments and T-Dog defending himself. Their words turned into punches and when Rick tried to jump in and break it up, Merle hit him one to the nose and sent him to the floor. Merle took it up another notch and started beating the shit out of T-Dog. He put a gun to his head and threatened him until he started to laugh, and allowed the pleading group to pull T-Dog away.

Merle mouthed off about being in charge and intimidated the group into agreeing and just when all hope seemed lost, Rick came from behind, hit him in the head with the butt of his gun and handcuffed him to a pipe. While Rick discussed their situation with Morales, and began to formulate a plan to get everyone out of there, Merle sat helpless and restrained. Everything out of his mouth was rude and racist or sexist.

"Hey 'sugartits', you wanna help me outa this?" he asked Andrea.

He was not making a very good case for his release. Rick looked back at him once or twice and rolled his eyes. Went back to plotting with Morales.

* * *

Daryl Dixon stalked through the woods, listening carefully to every bird chirp and every leaf rustle. He was an excellent hunter and tracker and could tell how far something was by its sound and how long ago something had been there from its tracks. He already had a string of dead squirrels hanging off of him but he was after something bigger. A deer that he had seen in the morning and had been tracking ever since.

_Come on Bambi. Show yourself, _ he thought as he looked vigilantly through the trees.

Some of the others, including his brother Merle, had gone into town to look for supplies. Daryl opted to go into the woods alone to hunt some food. He was tired of being around such a large group of people and he craved the peace and quiet. Even his brother had been getting on his nerves more than usual and he was enjoying the relief of not having Merle yacking in his ear and telling him what to do and what to think every five seconds.

_Damn it Merle._

* * *

After some brainstorming with the group, Rick came up with a dangerous plan. He was going to cover himself in zombie guts in an attempt to hide his live human smell and walk through the walker-filled street to a truck he hoped had keys inside.

He thought he probably wouldn't survive the mission, but it was the best idea he could come up with. In the zombie apocalypse there were no truly good ideas. They were all going to die and it was only a matter of when.

Glenn volunteered to go with him.

As Rick walked through the street he reassured Glenn that the plan would work. That the walkers would not notice them. Even after it started to rain and the guts began to wash off of them, and he was certain this was the end, he reassured Glenn.

"Just stay calm. It'll be aright." Rick reassured him because he had already decided that if it came down to it, he would sacrifice himself for Glenn.

Any resolve that Rick had to live was getting smaller with every passing hour. Every time he thought of Carl and Lori, which was very often, his heart hurt more and he struggled desperately to push their faces out of his mind. He thought that if he could just forget what Lori looked like, what she smelled like, then he wouldn't feel anything. If the rain washed the guts away and the walkers killed him, he wouldn't feel anything.

Even with everything that was going on, accepting that Lori was dead was all his brain was focused on.

* * *

As Daryl stealthily walked through the woods, he thought about the people he and Merle were with.

_They better appreciate this food I caught for their worthless asses_

Daryl always felt most uncomfortable around groups of people. He had always been socially awkward, almost never made connections with people and either withdrew from them or pushed them away.

He didn't enjoy being alone. Rather he wished he had some company that he actually liked. He didn't warm to any of the people in camp. He sort of just put up with them and kept his distance.

For most of Daryl's adult life, with no other family or close friends, Daryl relied on his brother Merle to be his only source of company. He didn't know any other way.

Merle was brash, embarrassing, controlling and mean and he gave Daryl an excuse to not think for himself. He mostly just went along with whatever Merle said, even if a lot of the time Merle had malicious intentions. Daryl could just blame things on Merle and take no responsibility.

Daryl continued through the woods, tracking the deer's footprints, relying on his own instincts. For the first time in a long time, he noticed how much he enjoyed trusting his own inner voice.

* * *

When the walkers inevitably attacked, Rick very narrowly escaped and got the truck. Glenn set off another car's alarm and drove around, leading the walkers away from where Rick would rescue the group.

"Get down to the doors now!" Glenn ordered the others over the walkie-talkie.

Everyone scrambled to get their things together and sprinted for the stairs. Merle was still handcuffed to the pipe and yelled at them to release him.

T-Dog, who was still angry about the beating he took from Merle earlier, hesitated at the roof door until he finally decided to give Merle the key. There wasn't much time and as T-Dog hurried towards Merle, the key flew out of his hand and fell down into a drain.

"You did that on purpose!" Merle shouted, in complete disbelief at what had just happened.

Merle cursed and begged and pulled at the handcuffs.

"I'm sorry man, I gotta go", T-Dog cringed out as he ran. T-Dog locked the door so the walkers couldn't get to Merle and dashed downstairs to join the others.

Rick pulled up to the door and scooped up the group just in time before they were all attacked by a crowd of walkers. Everyone except Merle, who was still struggling to escape, still hopelessly handcuffed to the roof.

"where's Merle?" asked Andrea.

"I dropped the key", said a regretful T-dog. And no-one else said a word.

As they drove away in silence, Rick couldn't believe they had made it out alive. He was almost disappointed. All of Rick's mental struggles were already working.

There were so few people alive, so many dead or zombified. It was really washing over him that there was no way Carl and Lori had survived. He had started to forget Lori and was becoming numb to her memory.

Morales, obviously noticing something in Rick's face, assumed he was thinking of Merle

"It's best not to dwell on it... Merle getting left behind. Nobody's gonna be sad he didn't come back… except maybe Daryl."

"Daryl?" asked Rick.

"His Brother"


	2. Confused

Rick was mentally and physically exhausted as he drove the truck filled with the people he had saved. Morales had explained to Rick where they were going and had dozed off. Rick could hear little bits of short conversation from the others in the back but mostly they were silent. Everyone was tired. They had all been through hell.

Rick could see a trailer with what looked like an umbrella on the roof peaking out over the tops of some trees in the spot where Morales had told him he would find the rest of their people.

He didn't want to take any chances.

"Hey, this it?" he asked as he nudged Morales awake.

Morales jumped as if Rick was going to hurt him and then relaxed when he remembered where he was, "uh, yeh." He answered wiping sleep from his eyes. "Right up here, just pull in."

Rick put his forehead on the steering wheel and rested his eyes for a moment while the others piled out of the back of the truck.

He could hear them celebrating. Families hugging. High fives.

"Welcome back." said one voice.

"Glad you're safe" said another.

Rick thought about driving away.

He felt so indifferent to everything that his world had become. There was no joy, no hope. Only emptiness. He did not want to get to know these people. He didn't want to introduce himself, explain where he'd come from, or whom he had lost.

"Hey helicopter boy! Come say hello!" Morales called to him.

Rick sighed, opened the truck door and stepped out. He shut the door but kept his fingers on the handle for a few seconds, looking through the window and thought about getting back in and driving away.

With reluctant steps, Rick turned and started to walk over to the people.

He looked up and stopped. Standing in front of him he swore he saw his best friend and cop partner Shane.

But his eyes shifted quickly to something even more incredible and through the crowd he saw a face and for a moment he thought he must have been hallucinating.

"Oh my god", Rick mumbled to himself feeling like he was about to pass out.

"Dad!" shouted his son Carl's voice. "Dad!"

It wasn't a hallucination. It was Carl. Carl, his little boy. His son who he had believed with all his soul had died. Carl was running to him and calling out "Dad!"

And behind Carl – Lori.

Rick walked towards Carl with wobbly steps, still feeling like he might faint and crouched down to hold his son. He squeezed Carl and kissed him. Rick gasped and cried. He felt as though his heart would explode right out of his chest.

Rick stood up with Carl in his arms and walked over to Lori. He hugged his wife with their son between them. They were alive and he couldn't even begin to believe it.

But when he hugged Lori, his feelings were confused. He was happy and relieved to see her alive but not the kind of happy he felt he should be. Maybe it was because he'd already allowed himself… no, forced himself to believe so strongly that Lori had died, tried so hard not to love her anymore, that he'd succeeded a bit too much. And now he'd fallen out of love with her a little.

Rick and Lori had their problems, back when things were normal and they weren't fighting for their lives and separated from each other. Lori could be so cold. In the past when Rick and Lori were having a really hard time, Rick would distance himself mentally and emotionally from her, as a kind of self-preservation. He knew it wasn't the healthiest, most helpful thing to do in their marriage, but it helped him not go crazy.

He would spend a lot of time at work, go out for beers with Shane, or do father-son activities with Carl. Eventually he would fall back into a rhythm with Lori where they acted mostly normal because it was all he knew.

Rick held Lori and Carl and didn't like the feeling in his gut that he wasn't completely happy to be with his wife. He wanted to feel nothing but happy. He had found his wife that he believed to be dead and he was supposed to be over the moon. But he just wasn't.

* * *

Daryl had been walking all day trying to kill that damn deer. It had taken him in circles all over the woods and despite his excellent tracking abilities, every time he thought he was really close, it was as if the deer had just vanished and it took him some time to find its trail again.

Daryl was tired and a little fed up with the deer.

"Bambi? You're more like a damn Houdini with all this disappearing" he said as he sat down onto the grass, his back against a tree trunk.

Daryl let out a long sigh. Sometimes he didn't understand himself. If he didn't want to be around those people, didn't want anything to do with any of them, then why was he busting his ass, all day in the woods trying to kill a deer so that they'd have something decent to eat?

He thought about how, when he got back, lugging this huge deer over his shoulders, they'd probably be all thanking him and shit. A few of them would probably even want to hug him. Daryl shuddered at the thought.

Daryl heard some birds flutter and chirp coming from the direction he had his back to. He looked up just in time to see them fly overhead through the trees, and as they passed, the sun shone into his eyes causing him to squint and lower his head. It all happened so fast but when he widened his eyes again a walker was almost on top of him.

Daryl tucked into a forward roll away from the tree and slipped just under the walker's out-stretched hands. He stood up facing the walker with his cross-bow ready.

"Where the hell did you come from!?" he shouted. A little too loudly he realized.

One arrow to the head and the walker went down.

* * *

That night as Rick sat around the fire with this new group of people, he held Lori and Carl tighter than he ever had. He was back with them and he never wanted to let them go. He had decided that his feelings about Lori were just because he had told himself to forget about her He told himself that his feelings would right themselves soon and he would be completely in love with her again. Fake it till you make it.

His thoughts and fears were interrupted when Dale brought up Daryl.

"I dropped the key, leaving him was my fault. I'll tell him." offered T-Dog.

"No, I handcuffed him to that roof. I should be the one." Countered Rick.

"Sorry to make this a race thing, but maybe it's better coming from a white guy." Said Glenn.

Rick remembered how Merle treated T-Dog and thought that if this Daryl guy was like his brother, Glenn may have a point.

Andrea explained what happened and defended Rick's actions.

She said to Lori "Your husband did what was necessary" and on the word 'husband' Rick flinched.

He was somebody's husband. Lori's husband. For a few days he was no-ones husband, maybe a widower, but not a husband.

Dale warned, "word to the wise – we're gonna have our hands full when Daryl gets back from his hunt."

The group continued to discuss what happened and how they will tell Daryl. Rick started to imagine who this Daryl person was. He tried to picture a younger Merle. Low-class and just as bigoted. Violent and short tempered.

_He won't like what's happened_, he thought, _and nor should he really_.

Rick thought that Daryl was going to be a huge problem and that they wouldn't get along. For a split second he wished Daryl just wouldn't come back from his hunt at all. But his good nature didn't let that thought last and instead he thought he would probably have to take Daryl and go back for Merle. It was the right thing to do. Even for someone he hadn't met and already hated.

* * *

Daryl thought he'd have the deer dead and back to camp long before dark. But the deer had led him too far away. After getting attacked by the walker, Daryl had tried to find the deer's trail again but eventually gave up when the sun had started to set.

He couldn't get back to the group safely in the dark. He'd have to find a place to sleep for the night and set out again when the sun came back up.

Daryl was pretty angry with himself. The whole day had been a complete waste except for the squirrels he had. And now he was stuck out in the woods with no tent, not even a sleeping bag. And that walker that he'd shot was a telling sign that the area wasn't safe.

_Well this is a fine mess._ He thought.

He made a very small fire and cooked one of the squirrels quickly so as not to draw too much attention.

Then he climbed a tree, making sure he was high enough to be out of reach of walkers, but not so high that if he dozed off and fell he would hurt himself too badly.

Daryl sat with his back to the trunk and his legs outstretched on a thick branch. He held his crossbow close to his chest with one hand and ate the squirrel with the other. It was comfortable enough.

He would sleep only winks all night.

He listened to the sounds of the night. A rustle here, a squeak there. He was so tired but needed to stay alert. Anything could happen to him alone in the woods in the dark.

Then Daryl heard the rain before he felt it. The tree-tops sheltered him from most of the drops but he was still getting wet.

_Can it get any worse?_ He thought.

"Got anything else for me!?" He shouted into the darkness.

Daryl thought about his tent and his soft cot back at camp. He thought about the voices chatting around the fire. A knot tightened in his chest. He was lonely now. Even if he kept his distance, he knew that having people around was better than this.

The forlorn hunter folded his arms around his crossbow tightly, turned his head to the side, lay his cheek on one raised shoulder, and you wouldn't have been able to tell because of the rain, but a tear rolled down his face and landed on his shirt.

* * *

In their tent Rick stroked his son's hair and kissed him goodnight.

He got under the covers with Lori.

"I thought you were dead", admitted Lori.

"I knew I would find you," lied Rick.

Rick thought about his lie. It was what the truth should have been. So that's why he said it. He did not think there was any chance he would find them.

Lori showed Rick his wedding ring and asked him if he wanted it back. Inside Rick's head he felt himself screaming, "_NO!" _ But the words that came out were "of course."

Rick lay next to Lori and held her but it didn't feel right.

He didn't completely understand what was going on with him but a thought crossed Rick's mind.

Could it be possible that he and Lori had never belonged together at all? Maybe believing that she was dead and that there was nothing he could do about it was, in a twisted way, the push he needed to realize that he could live without her…

Rick pushed the thought down. He couldn't just throw away this miraculous second chance he had been given with his wife.


	3. I See You

Rick woke up with tension in his chest. He had to face the repercussions of leaving Merle on the roof and he had to make the huge decision of what he was going to do about it. Daryl would return soon and Rick was preparing for the worst. He assumed all pleasantries and 'nice-to-meet-yous' would be skipped.

He had to decide objectively if he was going to go back for Merle before Daryl showed up and made Rick not want to do anything kind or right. He didn't want Daryl's attitude or behavior to have any influence on the decision.

Rick approached Lori. He still couldn't shake his feelings from the night before and thought that if he could just get some support from her, maybe something would change.

"I've been thinking… about the man we left behind." Rick said cautiously, testing the waters.

Lori looked at him for a moment, her brow furrowed as if trying to figure out who she was looking at.

"You can't be serious." She finally spat out. "I think that's the stupidest thing you could do."

Of course Lori didn't want him to go back for Merle. Of course. Rick was willing to do what was right, even though it was for two horrible people who probably didn't deserve it, just because it was the _right thing to do_.

Lori just wanted to be selfish and say no and leave it at that.

Rick felt his face get hot.

_That's the difference between you and me. _ he thought.

Before Rick could turn his discussion with Lori into an argument, the sound of children screaming sent a shock-wave through his body and he took off sprinting towards the sound.

Rick found Carl and a little girl unharmed. They were crying and pointing into the woods. Rick left the children in Lori's care and started towards the direction that Carl had been pointing.

Shane, Glenn, Morales and the other men were already on Rick's heals.

They saw it right away. A walker was bent down, eating a deer and the men all stopped in place and stared at it. The walker slowly turned around and let out a girgly growl. The greedy beast.

Rick hit the walker in the face with the butt of his gun.

He was angry. Angry at this thing for daring to come near his son. Still angry at Lori.

Shane hit the walker next. Then Glenn. Then Morales. Then Dale. It seemed the men all had some anger and frustration to get out.

They all beat and chopped at the walker with great force and aggression until it stopped moving.

"This is the first one we've had this close." Observed Dale.

"I guess they're running out of food in the city." Added Rick.

The men barely had a moment to let their guard down when a rustling came from the bushes. They prepared to have to kill another walker. Rick looked at the spot where the rustling came from and tensed up, waiting for the walker to reveal itself.

He saw – _a crossbow?!_

And then holding that crossbow - a man.

* * *

Daryl looked up at the position of the sun to double-check that he was headed in the right direction. He made his way through the woods quickly but quietly, eager to get back to camp. He'd had a rough night. Not the worst night of his life – no way. Not even close.

But the night, the tree, the rain, the crying. He wanted it all behind him.

Daryl heard screams that sounded like they might have come from children, but before he could even make a decision of whether to run towards the sound, it went away.

_Maybe they was laughin'? _He thought _ …or maybe they're dead. _

He picked up his speed but didn't run. Camp was in the direction that the sounds had come from anyway so he'd be there any minute. Whatever it was it was over. If it was bad, it was already too late.

Then in the distance Daryl saw movement. Not walker movement, the kind of movement of someone giving someone else a beating. As he got closer he could make out the faces. Shane, Dale… men from camp.

He was right in front of them now and they were standing around chatting.

_Guess everything's aright_ he thought

Daryl stepped out from behind some rocks and into their view. Shane had a gun pointed at him but before Daryl had need to make any threats, Shane willingly lowered it.

* * *

Rick took in the crossbow wielding man who had just emerged from the woods. He was rugged, with strong sleeveless arms that shone with sweat in the sunlight.

Everyone else relaxed, rolled their eyes, let out sighs. Shane scoffed, but Rick just stared at the man as he shouted "son of a bitch! That's my deer!"

_I'm guessing this must be Daryl._ Rick thought with a slight corner smile threatening to form.

Rick took a few steps back away as the man approached them but his eyes were transfixed. Daryl was not exactly what Rick had expected.

After dealing with Merle and then all the things everyone had said about Daryl, Rick had built him up in his head as someone he would immediately be repulsed by. And the opposite reaction that Rick was having left him stunned.

Daryl cursed and kicked the beheaded zombie, angry at it for eating the deer he had spent an entire day tracking.

Rick was mesmerized. For some reason, this dirty, sweaty, rude, foul-mouthed person gave Rick a strange feeling in his gut.

He had a split-second flash-back to the first night he met Lori and how sexy she looked when he dropped her home, her hair messy and her body glistening with a bit of sweat from dancing in the crowded bar.

Rick felt himself drawn to Daryl while everyone else around seemed put-off by his manner. He stifled a laugh that bubbled up inside as he watched Daryl kick the zombie body and rattle off insults.

"Come on, that's not helping," coaxed Dale.

But Daryl was pissed. Pissed off and genuinely disappointed to have the deer be wasted. Daryl got up in Dale's face, taking out his anger on him and said some ridiculous insult. Daryl wasn't even focused on what he was saying. Sometimes he just said things. But what had him most thrown off, was the sight of a new addition to their little group.

Daryl only caught sight of the slender man in a clean white t-shirt for a second before he looked away, but while he was insulting Dale on the outside, on the inside he was thinking, _Who the hell is that?_

Daryl tried to put his attention back onto the deer.

"Ah been trackin' this deer for miles… was gonna drag it back to camp… cook us up some venison… whad'ya think? Think we could cut around this chewed up part right here?"

Then he stole another glance at the new guy.

"I would not risk that", Shane warned.

"It's a damn shame." Daryl said with a sigh.

Rick allowed himself to stare at Daryl. Taking him in. He had no reason to hide it. Everyone else was looking at the same thing. Just not for the same reasons.

"Well I got some squirrel, about a dozen or so…" Daryl trailed off as he realized his eyes had landed on the stranger's face again and then he quickly darted them away.

"That'll hafta do," he recovered.

Daryl couldn't figure out if it was his exhaustion or some kind of instinct acting up but his thoughts and what was coming out of his mouth just weren't connecting completely. He was talking about deer and squirrels but inside his head all he wanted to do was get a decent look at this man!

The walker's mouth opened, demanding Daryl's attention and he tried to focus.

"Come on people what the hell?" he asked, disappointed that the half a dozen men around him couldn't kill one walker properly.

Daryl raised his crossbow and shot an arrow into the its head. He retrieved his arrow, yanking it back out of the walker's skull and started to walk away.

"S'gotta be the brain. Don't y'all know nothin'?" He scolded.

…And then it happened.

The dirty hunter and the silent stranger looked into each other's eyes and saw each other.

Rick had been staring at him the entire time, willing Daryl to notice him. Daryl had been trying to get a good look at Rick but he didn't know why.

And now that they could see each other… Face to face… It was as if the world had fallen away. Nothing else existed but the two men and they only existed in each other's eyes.

It was a single moment that felt like an eternity.

And then it was over.

Their eye contact broke, Rick's eyes following Daryl until he had walked past and then their back's were to each other.


	4. I Feel You

"Merle! Get Your ugly ass out here! I got us some squirrel! Let's stew 'em up!" Daryl calls out to his brother as he swaggers into the camp area.

Shane follows closely behind, "Daryl, just slow up a bit I need to talk to you."

"About what?" Asks Daryl

"About Merle..." Shane begins cautiously. "There was a... A problem in Atlanta"

Daryl's heart is in his throat as he looks around, noticing everyone's eyes are on him.

"Is he... Is he dead?" He asks reluctantly.

Shane pauses. Then answers, "We're not sure..."

Rick watches Daryl as he paces around, looking at the ground, then up at Shane, then around at everyone in camp and back at the ground again.

He can see the dread all over Daryl's face as he searches for the strength to ask the questions that he may not want answers to.

Rick thinks Shane is stalling and needs to just spit it out and spare Daryl any unnecessary confusion.

So Rick steps forward towards Daryl and tries, "there's no easy way to say this so I'll just say it."

"Who're you!?" Daryl demands.

"Rick Grimes" answers Rick.

"You got somethin' you wanna tell me... Rick Grimes?" Daryl spits the words out. He's desperate for answers.

Daryl looks into Rick's eyes and remembers the moment they shared no more than 5 minutes ago. All he wants is for Rick to ease his worries. But the way Rick's acting like he's about to confess something makes Daryl think their moment's about to mean nothing real soon.

"You're brother was a danger to us all..." Rick attempts to explain. "...so I handcuffed him to a roof. He's still there."

Daryl feels his eyes well up. He can't look at Rick anymore. He turns away, wipes his eyes and starts to get really angry. "Hold on... So lemme process this..."

Rick braces for Daryl's reaction. He knows Daryl has every right to be furious.

Daryl continues, "You're saying you handcuffed my brother to a roof!?"... Then Daryl loses his temper and raises his voice, "And you left him there!?"

Rick lowers his head, feeling terribly guilty and ashamed. "Yeh" he says in a hushed voice.

Daryl's temper explodes into a mixture of anger, disappointment, exhaustion and fear... He lunges towards Rick, but doesn't hit him, just pushes him back with his hands against Rick's chest.

After the awful night Daryl had there was the moment with Rick that felt like something. Something he couldn't explain. But it felt a lot like hope.

Now Daryl feels so stupid to have thought even for a second that anything had a right to feel good.

Daryl pushes against Rick's chest again with his palms and tries not to become hysterical.

"You left my brother!?" He shouts.

"Merle could be a shit but how could you leave him!?" He cries.

Rick stumbles back and doesn't do anything to defend himself. He feels horrible and doesn't blame Daryl at all for pushing him. Rick is surprised Daryl doesn't do worse.

Rick let's Daryl push him a few times and then he holds Daryl, one hand firmly on each of his arms.

Daryl halfheartedly tries, like a little kid, to shake him off and looks down at the ground, but Rick holds him, steadies him, lowers his head and looks up into his eyes.

"Can I talk to you about this alone?" Rick asks, his voice almost a whisper. But Daryl just glares at him.

Rick tries to calm Daryl down, "I left Merle on that roof. So this is between me and you. We don't need an audience. Let's just go somewhere and have a calm discussion. Would that be ok?"

Daryl is so angry and so upset, but the way Rick is showing concern for him and holding him steady is soothing him. Daryl wants so badly to trust Rick.

"Aright", Daryl concedes quietly.

"Aright" Rick matches.

"Let's go in my tent" Daryl offers and starts to walk away.

Daryl unzips the door to his large tent, ducks under the top of the entry-way and heads inside.

"Zip up the door" he says to Rick as he sits on his cot, putting his face in his hands.

Rick does as he's told and steps over to Daryl, standing a couple feet in front of him.

The two men stay silent for a few moments. Rick looks down at the mess he's created. Daryl wipes his eyes, puts his hands together between his knees and looks down at the ground.

"I'm so sorry" Rick says, knowing it's not enough.

Daryl looks up, tears in his eyes and answers, "I know..."

He shakes his head, looks down again and continues, "I know how Merle is. I shoulda gone with those guys on the supply run instead uh goin' huntin' by myself."

Daryl spills his feelings out, choking up, gesturing a lot with his hands, looking from Rick to the ground and back at Rick again.

"I don't doubt Merle gave you a really good reason to handcuff his ass to a roof. If I'd uh come I coulda maybe stopped him from bein' such a jack-ass"

Rick let's Daryl keep talking and just listens. He clearly has a lot bottled up that he needs to get off his chest.

Daryl stands up, starts pacing. And raising his voice, "Instead I was in the damn woods, didn't even catch that deer, got attacked by a walker, slept in a fuckin' tree!..."

Rick reaches a hand out, and in an attempt to calm Daryl again, puts his hand on the side of Daryl's arm.

Daryl pulls his arm away with dramatic flare and adds, "and meanwhile, you people are busy leaving my brother for dead!"

Rick can't feel anymore guilty. He knows Daryl is right and he keeps his hand to himself and looks away with shame.

Daryl can see Rick's remorse all over his face and feels bad for snapping at Rick again. This man he just met owes him nothing, and instead of telling him to fuck off, he's showing genuine remorse.

Daryl sits back down on the cot, hands together between his knees and hangs his head again.

When Rick thinks maybe Daryl has said all he's gonna say, Rick eases forward, crouches down in front of Daryl and speaks in a low voice.

"We're gonna go get him back. I'm gonna fix this. I swear."

Daryl pushes himself up to standing, toppling Rick off balance so he falls on his ass.

"You can't promise a thing like that. You don't know that for sure. He could be dead already!" He exclaims.

Rick is still sitting, one palm on the ground behind him, when Daryl looks down and notices Rick's stunned face.

He knows Rick is trying his best and Daryl isn't giving him a break.

Daryl reaches out a hand to help Rick up and mumbles, "sorry"

Rick takes Daryl's outstretched hand, gets to his feet and dusts himself off.

"We're gonna go get him." Rick offers again.

Daryl glares at Rick, refusing to believe that they're just gonna find Merle sitting on that roof and everything is going to be fine.

The two men stand a foot apart, staring at each other, looking into each other's eyes again and both remember the moment that they shared when they first made eye contact.

Daryl doesn't relax his face or his stance.

With clenched fists, he all at once releases his body from it's current attack mode and lunges forward, holding Rick behind his neck with both hands and kisses him. Lips against lips, a hard, urgent kiss.

Daryl breaks the connection, but keeps his hands around the back of Rick's neck. He leans back only a little so their noses are inches apart and looks at Rick's eyes; looking for a sign that the man is about to kill him.

Rick has a look on his face like shock but then a small smile starts to form, and a small laugh that's mostly just an exhale.

Daryl takes that as permission, smiles a little too. And kisses Rick again. This time there's less urgency. The men feel a little more relaxed.

Rick puts his arms around Daryl's waist and pulls him tight against his body.

Daryl opens his lips slightly and let's his tongue come out of his mouth just a little, licking Rick's lips.

Rick follows Daryl's lead, opening his lips and letting his tongue touch Daryl's.

For a few moments, the two men kiss passionately and the whole world falls away. Just like it did when they first looked at each other in the woods.

Nothing exists but them.

Rick lifts a hand from Daryl's waist and places it on Daryl's scruffy cheek.

Daryl keeps a hand behind Rick's neck and puts his other arm, under Rick's arm and holds Rick behind his back.

The 2 men hold each other as tightly as they can and kiss each other.

"Hey you two sort things out!?" Shane yells from just outside the tent making Rick and Daryl jump back away from each other.

"Yeh!" Rick yells back as soon as he's able to catch his breath.

He keeps his eyes on Daryl, trying to gauge his state of mind.

"We'll be there in a sec'!" He adds.

Rick and Daryl look at each other, a million questions on their faces. Each bracing themselves for some kind of reaction that never comes.

Then to end the tension, Rick reaches out and holds Daryl's hand in his. "Come on. Let's go get your brother," he says.

Then he releases Daryl's hand, turns and unzips the tent.


	5. Betrayed

Rick's emotions are all over the place. The kiss with Daryl was completely unexpected and that's putting it mildly. It was confusing and surprising but it felt good…

It felt right.

But as much as he'd like to dwell on it. As much as he wants to spend time alone with Daryl and explore these feelings, Rick can't focus on what it all means right now.

Rick exits the tent on a mission. He needs to focus on just one thing first. Getting Daryl's brother back.

"So?" asks Shane with an accusing look in his eyes.

"I'm goin' back." Rick states flatly.

"So that's it? You just gonna walk off? And to hell with everybody?" asks Shane.

"I'm not saying to hell with anybody." Rick responds calmly.

But Shane still gets angrier and more confrontational, "Why would you risk your life for a doush-bag like Merle Dixon?!"

Then Daryl, who's purposely kept quiet and inconspicuous till now, can't help but interject to defend his brother, "Hey! You better choose your words more carefully."

"Oh no I did. Doush-bag's what I meant." Answers Shane nonchalantly.

This pisses Daryl off but he stays silent and just glares at Shane.

"Merle Dixon? Guy wouldn't give you a glass ah water if you were dyin' ah thirst." Shane says, lowering his voice with the intention of cutting Daryl out of the conversation.

Rick doesn't know why he feels he needs to convince Shane before he goes, but he does know one thing for sure. He has to do this for Daryl.

They only just met but Rick cares about Daryl.

But he obviously can't say that to Shane.

He can only tell Shane that it is simply the right thing to do.

But if something is going on between them, Rick doesn't see how Daryl could ever forgive him or trust him if he doesn't try to make this right. So it's a done deal. No matter what Shane thinks.

"What he would or wouldn't do doesn't interest me. I can't let a man die of thirst. Me. Thirst and exposure. We left him like an animal caught in a trap. That's no way for any man to die." Rick continues.

Daryl isn't a patient man, but he tries his best to keep his cool while Rick talks to Shane. He cleans his arrows and steals glances at Rick, watching the way he speaks with confidence and conviction about rescuing the hunter's brother.

Shane is completely against the idea of anyone going back, and isn't shy about expressing his feelings about Merle not being worth the risk. But Rick stands his ground.

Daryl isn't used to people doing anything nice for him. And this man, who he met no more than an hour ago, is standing up to everyone on Daryl's behalf.

_Is he really doing this for me?_ Daryl wonders to himself.

As Rick argues with Shane, Daryl watches Rick's lips move, but he can hardly hear his words anymore, because as he watches Rick's mouth, all he can think about is Rick's lips on his. It feels like it didn't really happen. Like it was a dream that Daryl had just woken up from.

_Did I… really…?_ Daryl's head drifts, somewhere in the background of the present.

It is almost unbelievable.

But he knows it happened. He can still feel Rick's hands on him and smell Rick's scent.

Daryl was acting on pure desire and instinct and he doesn't know where it came from. It's not anything he's ever done before. He's barely been with many women, and has never been attracted to men. But there's just something about Rick… that Daryl can't even begin to wrap his head around just yet.

Daryl's vision is hazy as he lives simultaneously in the present and in the recent past… but he is shaken back into what's happening in front of him because Rick is talking to a woman from camp now. The one with the little boy. Lori, he remembers.

_Why the hell is she giving her 2 cents?_ Daryl wonders.

"So u and Daryl, that's your big plan?" Lori asks.

Rick pauses for a second when he hears his wife's voice say the name of the man he was just kissing. It hits Rick like a brick wall. He's been unfaithful to his wife, and with his careless actions, he's put Daryl in a very terrible position. He knows he needs to speak with Daryl and clear up some things as soon as possible.

Rick hesitates for a moment. It would be ideal to say yes to Lori's question. Him and Daryl. That'd give them time to talk. But just the 2 of them going back wouldn't be enough man-power to retrieve Merle and return safely so he does the wiser thing.

He turns to Glenn with a meaningful look. Glenn immediately protests, "come on!"

"You've been there before, you know the way, in and out no problem, you said so yourself." Rick rationalizes. "It's not fair of me to ask, I know that. But I'd feel a lot better with you along."

"'I'm comin' too" says T-Dog. And Rick feels grateful for the support.

But then Lori makes a plea, "You went through hell to find us. You just got here and you're just gonna turn around and leave?"

Carl's little voice even chimes in, "Daddy, I don't want you to go."

"Shane is right. Merle Dixon!? He's not worth one of your lives!" Lori continues, her voice more desperate.

Daryl watches this short exchange of words and meaningful looks unfold and tries to piece it together.

It clicks when Carl speaks.

_The kid said Daddy…_

_Is Rick… with her?!_ Daryl's head demands.

_He is…_

Daryl is in shock. He stares daggers into Rick as he watches him console and hug and kiss Lori and their son.

Rick hugs Lori because it's what he's supposed to do. But off to his side he searches for Daryl and feels sick when he sees the look of utter horror on Daryl's face.

He looks like he's going to explode. And Rick knows Daryl just realized that he has a wife.

When they were in the tent together, there was no Lori, there was just Rick and Daryl. Rick hadn't had the presence of mind to tell Daryl about her. But there was also no time to really talk about anything. No time to explain anything. The kiss happened and then they were interrupted and now Daryl has had to figure out this information on his own.

Rick looks at Daryl's eyes and he tries desperately to get the hunter to read his mind. Rick hopes that his eyes convey something to Daryl. Something that says _I know this looks really bad but just please trust me_.

Rick gives his head a little shake. _No_.

He doesn't know how to convey anything he wants to say, all he can get across is _No_. And Rick hopes that whatever Daryl takes from that will settle him until he has a chance to explain himself.

It's a long shot.

As much as his blood is boiling, Daryl knows he can't confront Rick right now. Not in front of everyone.

Instead he marches over to the truck and lays a hand on the horn, "C'm on! Let's go!" Daryl shouts. He's furious. And he feels like a fool. Kissing Rick and thinking it could ever mean anything.

He's immediately grown sick of watching everybody stand around and chat when he has his brother to save.


	6. Self Preservation

On their way into Atlanta, Rick makes every effort to make some kind of meaningful eye contact with Daryl. But Daryl tries just as hard to keep his eyes away from Rick's. He is confused and feels betrayed and can't bare to look at the man.

When they make it to the rooftop they find that only Merle's severed hand remains.

Daryl loses it.

He can't catch a break. Merle is missing. He might already be dead from blood loss or eaten by walkers.

Rick, who he thought he could be developing feelings for, is part of the reason Merle was left behind in the first place and it turns out the man has a wife and son.

Daryl is still running on fumes after being in the woods all night and getting almost no sleep. It's all too much to bear. Emotionally and physically.

It all comes out in blood curdling screams of "No! Noo! No!"

Rick's heart breaks. He's failed Daryl twice now and longs to console him.

Rick wants to explain to Daryl about Lori. To tell him that the relationship was over in his mind before he met Daryl. That he wishes he had explained everything before they kissed so that Daryl would have had the choice to wait until after Rick had ended things with Lori.

Rick wants to apologize to Daryl for leaving Merle on the roof. To beg for forgiveness and make Daryl understand that he wishes he could change the past and give Daryl his brother.

But Rick can't do anything right now. Can't say anything he wants to say. Not in front of Glenn and T-Dog.

Daryl is distraught. He wants to make his pain stop. But he'll settle for hurting everyone and everything.

Daryl raises his crossbow and points it at T-Dog.

Rick whips his gun out of its holster and places it right in front of Daryl's face and the three men stand in this triangle for a few moments.

Rick doesn't really know what Daryl is capable of and he has to stop him before he does something he will regret.

From Rick's experience being a police officer, he knows sometimes people need the fear of a threat on their own life in order to stop threatening someone else.

"I won't hesitate", Rick states in an authoritative but soothing voice. "I don't care if every walker in the city hears it."

Daryl feels the same hypnotizing feeling that he got the last time Rick had to talk him down from something. It's comforting. Like he really believes Rick cares.

He calms right down, chokes back his tears and lowers his weapon.

Daryl shakes his head to himself.

_No, this is not T-Dog's fault_, he thinks.

"You… you got a do-rag or somthin'?" He asks T-Dog as if nothing's happened.

T-Dog looks at Daryl with disbelief but then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a rag.

Daryl takes the rag calmly and kneels in front of his brother's bloody hand. He caringly places the hand into the rag, and wraps it up like a gift.

"I guess the saw-blade was too dull for the hand-cuffs," he says.

Then he motions to Glenn to turn around and he puts the hand safely into Glenn's backpack.

A few moments pass as the four men collect their thoughts.

"There's a bag of guns and ammo on the street," Rick offers. "I dropped it before Glenn saved me yesterday."

"oh yeah, I forgot about that!" Glenn says.

"Good stuff?" asks T-Dogg.

"I got it from the police station ammunition locker," Rick answers. "So we'll find Merle and grab the guns along the way or after."

The men nod in agreement.

Before they move on, Rick sees this as the closest thing to an opportunity he's had since leaving camp, to get Daryl alone for a conversation and he decides to take it.

"Glenn, T-Dog, would you two mind going on ahead downstairs? I'd like to talk to Daryl alone"

Daryl panics for a moment. He's not ready to hear what Rick has to say to him and he doesn't know if he ever will be.

"We don't have time for talkin'. C'mon let's go", Daryl demands. He glares at Rick and it's the first time he's really looked into the man's eyes since finding out that Rick has a wife.

For a moment Daryl falters and he wants to hear what Rick has to say. He feels himself hope for words that will make everything better. Words that will erase all the anguish he's felt in the last day and night.

"It'll only take a few minutes, T-Dog and Glenn can clear the stairwell ahead of us and we'll be right behind them," Rick says, looking at Daryl with sincere eyes.

"Well go on then," Daryl says, waving Glenn and T-Dog towards the door to the roof.

The two men head through the door without protest, leaving Rick and Daryl alone.

Daryl folds his arms and turns his body half away from Rick and looks into the distance at the skyline.

Rick takes a couple deep breaths and gathers his thoughts together as he waits until he's sure Glenn and T-Dog are gone and then begins cautiously.

"Daryl… I know this looks bad, but Merle is out there. He couldn't have gotten far. He may even be still in this building. So we'll keep looking and we'll find him."

Daryl looks away from the Atlanta buildings, down at the ground and then side-eyes Rick.

Squinting his eyes at Rick, he allows a moment of silence to pass and then, with each word dripping with as much sarcasm as Daryl can muster, he says, "Well we should hurry so you can get back to your wife."

The comment is meant to sting Rick. And it does.

Rick knows he deserves it. And he feels nauseous. He's really made a mess of things.

"Let me explain..." Rick starts, but Daryl doesn't let him.

"Nothin' to explain," Daryl says, turning around to face Rick and shrugging his whole body nonchalantly. "I did what I did in my tent, and you didn't stop me, but you have a wife and a kid. It's no big deal. We can just pretend it never happened."

That's the last thing Rick wants.

Daryl is trying so hard to seem casual and uncaring, but inside he is so mad, so upset, it takes all of his stubborn will-power not to shout at Rick.

"You don't understand..." Rick tries again, "I swear! I'm not in love with Lori. I'd already stopped having feelings for her long before you and I met…" Rick gets choked up and tries to contain himself. "…Jus' the timin' was bad is all."

"Don't you get it?!" Daryl yells, pointing a hand at Rick, "It didn't mean anything to me! It was just a one-time thing! I don't even know why I…"

Daryl's voice begins to falter because the lies that he is saying are so far from the truth that it hurts to say them. But he has to do this. He has to push Rick away. He can't fall for someone who's married.

"… I don't even know why I kissed you! It meant nothing!"

Rick can't believe what he's hearing. He thought all Daryl needed was an explanation and then they could move forward. He hadn't even considered that the kiss didn't mean anything.

As gutted as he feels, Rick can't argue. He can't make Daryl have feelings for him.

"I guess we shouldn't keep Glenn and T-Dog waiting," Rick says softly.

"Right", Daryl responds flatly.

The two men look at each other for a few moments.

Rick wants to ask Daryl if he's sure. He wants to beg Daryl to say it isn't true. He wants to ask him how he could kiss him like that in the tent back at camp and it mean nothing. When it meant so very much to Rick.

Daryl wants to break down. He wants to hold Rick and tell him none of what he just said is true and that the kiss meant Everything! That from the moment he saw him in the woods he knew he felt something.

But neither man speaks. Daryl walks past Rick and makes his way towards the door and Rick follows. And they head down in silence to meet up with Glenn and T-Dog. Only looking at each other to confirm a hall is safe or to nod in the direction of a near-by walker before one of them kills it.


End file.
